Learning Object Constancy Dictated Your Response Behavior
Your internal response to emotional stimuli developed in childhood. Child psychologist Jean Piaget studied children’s response to the outside world, coining the term “object constancy” to describe children’s ability to tolerate when their parent left. Such an ability develops around the age of 8 months.
Children with object constancy were calm because they believed their parent would return. When a child lacks object constancy, they can become anxious, have fits of crying, be unable to calm themselves down and become inconsolable.
It is the lack of object constancy that causes people to be vulnerable to triggers, which can lead to their mental and emotional well-being plummeting throughout their life. For instance, if a child who lacks object constancy strikes out in little league, they may throw a tantrum or want to quit. When that same child experiences their first breakup, they may resort to destructive behavior in response. If, as an adult, that person gets a demotion or fired, they might believe they’ll never get another job.
8 Steps to Developing Object Constancy and Improving Your Mental and Emotional Well-being
Identify five past episodes where something triggered you and your mental and emotional well-being plummeted.
What was the trigger? What happened?
What did you do?
How did that work out for you?
How did you get through it and past it?
Knowing what you know now, what could you have done differently that would have accelerated getting through and past it?
Going forward, if that trigger were to reoccur, what immediate reaction and behavior could you take to help you to get through and past it?
Why would that be the preferred way to react and respond?
The eight steps are also something a parent can and should do when encouraging a child to develop object constancy. Richard Williams did it with Serena and Venus Williams, and Earl Woods did it with Tiger Woods — instilling in them the ability to “take the hit” from a defeat and turn it into fierce determination.
Future Self-Counseling Selfie Tool
To reinforce and begin to internalize the above steps, try creating a Future Self-Counseling Selfie for each of the previous episodes you identified. Do so by recording a video where you state the episode and your answers to each question. Then, save these selfies to call upon the next time you are triggered.
With this tool, you’re taking on the role of a loving parent who’s walking you through your upsetness in a reassuring manner so you can make it through. In that way, you’re helping yourself develop object constancy.
The Sun’ll Come Out Tomorrow Selfie Tool
While you’re trying out the Future Self-Counseling Selfie Tool, it would also be a good idea to record some moments when you’re in a very good frame of mind. This will help remind you that what goes down — including your mood — does come back up.
The 72-Hour Hold
In a prior article, “How to Turn a Setback into a Breakthrough,” I discussed how you should say to yourself, “Don’t do anything for 72 hours to make it worse,” when you’re upset. Not only is this another way to enable you to handle situations that triggered you, it often clears the way for you to have a breakthrough that you otherwise would have missed out on.
It’s never too late to re-raise the child within you to become the adult you want to become. By strengthening your object constancy, you can better support your mental and emotional well-being.
